The Meilin Diaries
by Meiling Li1
Summary: I'm back with a new story! This chapter isn't great, but please red it and tell me if there's any point of my continuing it!
1. Default Chapter Title

November 20, 2000

Dear diary,

I got you from Li on my birthday over two years ago, and I haven't written an entry ever since! Shows how eventful my life was all this time, doesn't it? Well, actually, I have been far too busy to write and it has made me guilty many a-time, and now inspiration moves me to scribble a bit, and get some heavy feelings off my chest, which is laden with emotions at the moment.

Let me bring you up to date. I'm a 14-year-old girl with long black hair and dark red, sometimes brownish-hued eyes. I live with my cousin, Li Showron in a quaint town called Reedington, in a cute, (if somewhat small) apartment. We came here four years ago when my amazing aforementioned cousin sensed Clow Cards in this very area. Of course, I followed him after worry ate away enough of my mind to do so. Did I mention that Li has magic? Everybody in my clan does. Everybody except for me, that is. 

At first I expected that we'd be partners in capturing these Cards, but my darling pushed me away, and I know why. I know all too well. If I tried to describe my pain, I'd fail. The next sentence is bliss to what I have felt these years but in the way of words, I'm not very fluent; the following is as close as I can come to describing the emotional tumult these years have worn into my young heart. It was excruciating, degrading, and the toughest blow a girl could receive, but I've learned to bottle up my rage and keep my emotions inside as the years wore on and my Li drifted farther and farther away from me. Drifted away like a priceless jewel dropped into the sea, away with the tide, farther and farther, always out of reach, but still in view, lingering there, filling my heart with longing yet too far to grasp.

My life in Japan has been Heaven yet hell; moments of piquant sunshine and bliss (however rare as a blue moon), and moments of torture and deep, bottomless darkness through which the brightest light could not penetrate. During these years, I have watched Li change, and realized I had lost him, as it seems now, forever. 

Oh, yes, for I have had him at one point in my life; our dreams and paths were entwined in the tightest knot you could imagine, but now a sickeningly beautiful, yet, in my eyes, cruel sorceress of shining, clear yet glazed-over emerald eyes took her sharp scissors and mercilessly cut it. She twined the yarn of my beloved's soul about her dainty finger, making him her willing little slave without knowing it, she did. 

Ah, I must admit I still hold a grudge against Sakura. Her eyes drip with poison deadlier than that of a slithering, deceitful cobra and yet she continues to thrust her fangs within Li's soul without realizing it. She wants to be good and stand out as a caring, sweet person; she tries so hard (and I can see her struggle; those flat eyes, behind their green curtains wouldn't fool me for a second.) and yet she never quite makes it, or at least, not to me. Everybody else can't see through her little act. Not even Li! Especially not Li! Those eyes…they have bewitched everybody, it seems, and have come close to entrapping me within their dreamy spell, I must admit. Madison idolizes her, and Li worships the ground she treads on; her friends all admire her athletic skills, yet I can see through her as if she's a pane of flat glass: shallow, two-dimensional. When it comes to situations that are truly important, Sakura is utterly clueless. She can fool everybody in the world with her puzzled and sweet act of innocence, but she can never fool me. 

Jealous you call me? I may very well be that, but what I said previously comes straight from my heart. I don't hate the poor, shallow little dear Sakura; in fact I pity her! She's living such a sweet, foolish lie and it's quite entertaining to watch her inexperienced, awkward movements that she tries to mask yet by doing so reveals even more! 

But another part of me despises her beyond words or actions for using my Li. The Li that I would never hurt for my life! My sense of justice argues that she is unconscious of it, yet when I see them together I cringe, as a strange, almost prophetic vision crosses through my subconscious as fast as the wind yet sharp as a knife. However, I never quite make out the image; but the impact of it remains for days after, the residual effects of it's enigmatic, terrifying power leaving little stabs in my mind similar in pain to minor paper-cuts: small but unsettling and quite bothersome.

That's what I want to talk about. 

After school was out today, I saw Li rushing through the halls, an eager light illuminating his face. No doubt he wanted to tell _her _something; something important, judging by the careless, restless actions he displayed. Many cleared away, afraid of getting hurt, so reckless my Li was acting. As he ran, I came to greet him in my usual cheery way and my cherished cousin did something I never thought he would: staring at me with joyous, blank eyes that had vision for Sakura (and her only) at the moment as if I were some stranger for a confused millisecond, he shoved me hastily aside and ran to meet the little witch! My blood seemed to evaporate from boiling over. I don't think he even remembers doing that, and if he does, he's being awfully rude about not apologizing.

He ran up to Sakura and motioned her to follow him behind the building, no doubt so that they could be alone. I glimpsed something awful just as they turned to exit the doors: their hands were clasped and they looked like…lovers. At that very moment, I was thrust, for only a second, into a strange dimension in the depths of my subconscious, I believe. Within it, I saw a silhouette of two figures: a girl with uneven hair and emerald eyes that shone out against the slim shape like those of a panther, and a boy with a long trench-coat and a cruel aura radiating about him, which was there and yet, it wasn't.

A fire suddenly and violently surrounded and blurred away the couple in its treacherous, hot flames and I stood in the bedroom of no other than my darling Li's. He lay on his bed sobbing, and mumbling about a mistake he had made. I tried to reach out to him and offer comfort but I stood frozen, unable to move, being tortured by those wild, awful sobs. And then, it was all over and I stumbled home, unable to make much, if anything, of the whole vision in my exhaustion.

I have an inkling of what it means, but, as I learned before, jumping to conclusions can cause a lot of trouble and sometimes, pain. Perhaps I'll find out more later.

It's very late (11:50pm to be exact) and I have a history test first period tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep! I'm very glad I poured out my feelings, and now I can rest easily. Expect my next entry soon! Goodnight! 

~Meilin Ray

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And now, a little note from Meiling Li:

Well, I'm BACK! This is an introductory chapter, and it's not great, but if you read it please **review**it and tell me if I should continue! 


	2. Default Chapter Title

12/15/00

Dear Diary,

This week was like no other week! Odd events have been occurring in a rapid succession, and I'm going to tell you all about them, starting, in this entry, from the first. I've always believed that starting from the beginning is best, so I'll do just that. 

It was an ordinary Monday morning: the classroom was buzzing with murmurs and giggles and rushing to places, the sun was shining brilliantly through the clean windows, and Li was being, well, so…_Li_.

When the handles on the clock pointed to exactly eight, my teacher came in with her usual greeting, succeeded by the students' usual response. Just as any other day, we stood up while the national anthem played and the announcements dragged on and on, almost every one of us fighting against impulsive urges to sit down despite the consequences of this action. As soon as the order was given, each and every one of us collapsed gladly into our seats and awaited further instruction. I listened for my teacher's usual "take out your homework and turn to page…" but, to my great surprise and bewilderment (a very long and awkward pause followed), did not hear it. Instead, she smilingly introduced two students: a boy and a girl, apparently twins. 

Yet, what twins! They were as different as night and day, I mused as my eyes took in the details of their appearances.

The girl, Hanaka, as I later found out she was named, was pretty. In fact, she was beautiful: long, shining threads of soft-looking, lily-white hair fell gently down her delicately formed shoulders in a loose, almost fragrant waterfall. (I couldn't smell it, of course, but it _looked_ as if it smelled lovely.) Her cheeks had the softest shadow of a blush skimming them and her skin looked as if spring had kissed it. Sakura, and even Madison, looked like wilted flowers compared to this saintly-looking _being_, and for my part, for the first time, I was overwhelmed with admiration. Now _this_ girl was the kind my Li deserved, if any were good enough for him, my reflections led me to believe. Looks weren't everything, but if she were as gorgeous on the inside as she was in appearance, this girl would be my hero! 

Her brother, Nezumi, as I also discovered later that day, was exactly the contrary. His face was hideous to me; disgusting, filthy-looking, swarthy skin was covered by a tangled, apparently unwashed mass of black, greasy hair. His eyes were yellow and sullen, with an untrusting aura dominating, warping them. I flinched when I looked into those fierce and shallow pits, and felt sick to my stomach with unease as they wandered aimlessly about the room (with no purpose whatsoever in their wandering), looking like two murderers seeking out their victim. God! Those eyes! The turmoil, the agony, the torturous and unfathomable rebellion leaping out of those sharp, ugly organs. Suddenly they fell upon me, my heart seemed to leap into my throat and the threat of vomiting took over my terrified mind. I grabbed on to my chair to keep from falling, yet it was not enough: my vision became awry and my eyes closed. 

Then, nothing but the abyss of darkness. Oh, horrible fiend! The clutches of its evil demon hands, the moans and the pain inaudible to the ear yet terrifying to the soul! I dimly recall yelling out a futile plea for help, and I remember wishing to faint. Yet, one can't faint in their subconscious can they? I also recall a blast of energy driving me to the ground, if one can call that blackness of any area of it a 'ground'. 

"You're the one, aren't you? I'm going to kill you, so that nothing will get in my way again!" Evil laughter erupted as another blast hit my chest and the blow began to travel through the interiors of my body, filling it with pain. Then, silence.

A hand stretched out to me, white as snow, glowing and soft. "Come with me. Come with me and you'll be safe for now. Come girl! There isn't much time!" The echo of that changeful voice died away as I returned to a painfully conscious state.

I then remember opening my eyes in an unfamiliar room, light streaming in through the thin chiffon curtains, shining brightly on every carefully painted miniature picture and every lovingly sewn rag doll. Puzzlement is an understatement to describe my uncomprehending state of mind, and I proceeded to, with futile effort, to inconclusively question what was going on.

Quickly my eyelids drooped, and I swooned, exhausted from even the trivial strain of my mind to question my position… 

Upon my awakening, it became clear to me that this was night-time, because as my vision slowly cleared a picture of bright, pure starlight streaming in through the shining windows. I was about to close my eyes and relax when a light step through the hall made itself heard and a reed-slender silhouette of a human figure appeared in the doorway.

Dear diary, I won't describe my shock to you when I saw…Hanaka!

She smiled in a friendly way, and explained to me that I had fainted, and, her mother being the new doctor in town, had simply tended to me. She then sat down by my bed, and sand to me a soft, slow lullaby, in a vain attempt to soothe my stressed mind.

I was too weak to speak, but a question hovered in my mind: "Where was Hanaka's brother?" 

The girl uncannily seemed to hear my thought, for she shuddered and said, "_That_ is not my _brother_, and he isn't here in this house, either. Sleep Meilin, and don't be afraid. I'll check up on you every half-hour or so."

With that, she got up and left, leaving me shivering with fear, waiting for morning to come.

Dear diary, it is late. Good night! 

~Meiling Li

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Autor's Notes SORRY!!!!! I haven't written in the longest time, and this chapter is crappy! GOMEN! I'll get my knack for writing back soon I promise! And, btw, I'm writing a CCS Christmas special!

Also, please visit my websites! I have a few, but you'll find them all at this collective:

[Ai-ko][1]

   [1]: http://www.virtue.nu/aika



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